Breaking the Blame Cycle
Gracie Abram’s recent album, Good Riddance, beautifully depicts the emotional journey one experiences growing and healing from a past relationship. What is so compelling about Abrams' album is her unique ability to take responsibility for her actions. When situations go awry, it is often a default response to blame someone for our uncomfortable situations. We have been conditioned to understand cause and effect based on actions, and as a result, we tend to blame ourselves and others. Good Riddance is proof that Abrams feels responsible, at least partially, for the demise of her relationship, and hearing an artist take responsibility for her actions, while learning to release herself from the guilt of her past is a refreshingly new perspective. Good Riddance can be broken down into three stages of what it means to grow and heal from a relationship; introspection, coming of age, and resilience.
The first four tracks on Abrams’ album are the pinnacle of self-reflexivity and honesty. The act of introspection can foster self-compassion and self-acceptance, tools that help navigate interpersonal relationships. The album begins with the song "Best,” highlighting the singer’s ability to acknowledge the missteps in her relationship. The music's lyrics convey a relationship reaching its pivotal point, as Abrams herself is transformed. Reflecting on her past, she recognizes mistakes she’s made and repeatedly expresses remorse in the line, "I never was the best to you," and finishes by acknowledging, "Promise I don't forget all of my faults in this/ 'cause look at me, I'm alone, sitting here, staying home." Abrams does not attempt to defend or rationalize her actions. The vulnerability and awareness in her lyricism is raw and authentic. The next song on the album is "I know it won't work." This song describes the feeling of being in a one-sided relationship, where her partner is more invested in their relationship than she is, as summarized by the line, "I hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different." She acknowledges that part of her is tempted to bring this person back into her life but knows it would be unfair to continue a relationship knowing their feelings don't align. Transitioning into the song “Full machine,” it becomes apparent that Abrams has learned that her healing must be done independently. She refers to herself as a forest fire; her partner as her kerosene. Her lyrics in “Full machine” convey her recognition of destructive patterns in her relationships, and acknowledges her tendency towards them.
Moreover, in an interview with Elle, Abrams admitted, "Where do we go now?" was a song she was hesitant to release because of how personal and vulnerable it was to write. The track is about encountering an ex-partner and resisting the urge to fall back into old patterns as she explains that "If [she] could, [she] 'd have changed every feelin'." Her partner was very attentive, but her feelings were not as strong as his. She admired the person, but their relationship lacked chemistry. This track illustrates her developing emotional intelligence and its impact on her ability to understand and regulate her emotions to make better decisions.
The intermediary songs on Good Riddance reflect the coming-of-age process: the challenges of first love, insecurity, and self-discovery. “I should hate you” purges unresolved feelings for an unworthy and unhealthy partner. In this song, Abram’s head is battling her heart; her head knows she is being mistreated, but her heart clings to the happy moments and familiarity of being in a relationship. The song’s message is captured in the line,"I swear to God I'd kill you / If I loved you less hard." Abrams recognizes the irony in her actions but isn’t ready to act. Next, the song “Will you cry" describes processing the frustration and confusion caused by a relationship. She wants her partner to fight for her as she asks, "Will you cry if I let go?". She recognizes the disconnect between her commitment to the relationship and theirs. While she feels torn, they appear unaffected by their separation. Moreover, the ballad “Amelie” reminisces about an unexpected, instantaneous connection the singer experiences from an encounter shortly after getting out of a toxic relationship. This song exudes hope. Toxic relationships can be erosive to one’s self-worth and independence, yet the singer's timely interaction helped restore her faith in her ability to connect and be vulnerable again. Unsure she could ever connect again after ending her previous relationship, Abrams’ transformative encounter with Amelie seemed to alleviate her fears and diminish her self-doubt.
The song “Difficult” describes the inability to regulate emotions and articulate feelings. In the second verse, Abrams reveals she has been seeing a therapist to help overcome the regret and confusion she holds from her past relationships. She's battling her insecurities and fears, and this causes her to feel like she is difficult to be around. The line "Oh, I hope I wake up invisible, I'd be someone no one knows" shows her wish to disappear and hide from all the pressures surrounding her. “Difficult” is an excellent depiction of what it's like to experience self-doubt and confusion. Her subsequent song, "This is what the drugs are for," is about learning how to process emotions and anxiety. In the song, it is evident that she is struggling with loneliness and working to rediscover herself after a relationship has ended. In the song, she sings, “You painted my life indigo, oh/ a kind of blue I hate to know.” This contrasts with her line in “Difficult” when she asks, “Was it something that I said that coloured you blue.” In “Difficult,” the colour blue describes her sobering impact on the other person, whereas in “This is what the drugs are for,” she is turned blue - indigo - by the actions of another; she is not in control. Blue is often associated with sadness and melancholy, whereas indigo represents wisdom and inner awareness. The song reveals that the singer is setting boundaries and prioritizing her needs for future relationships.
The songs at the end of Abrams’ album emphasizes that she is coming to terms with who she is and becoming more self-aware and perseverent. In the song “Fault line,” Abrams implies that her relationship is unstable. She can now recognize underlying problems in her relationships, and the song captures the complex emotions of recognizing an unhealthy relationship but being unable to break free. Repeating the phrase "I'll break too" shows that despite being aware of her relationship's negative toll, she fears the multitude of emotions that will ensue when the relationship ends. A common theme in her songs is fear of abandonment and being alone. One of the more optimistic songs on Abrams's album is “The blue.” The earlier songs on her album discuss her mistreatment of her partners or their mistreatment of her. Abrams feared that she would risk being alone forever if she let go of a partner. Her encounter with Amelie ignited the feeling of love at first sight for her. Being able to open up to someone and feel accepted is one of the most reassuring feelings. Abrams' song “The blue” celebrates the awe-inspiring thrill of falling in love again and being vulnerable. The final song on the album, "Right now" is about adjusting to life independently and discovering oneself. Being in a new environment, unburdened by her past, Abrams has the opportunity to reinvent herself. The song is about finding herself and embracing her unfamiliar territory and future.
Gracie Abrams' debut album explores introspection, coming of age, and relationship resilience. Her authenticity and vulnerability shed light on the emotional turmoil of one-sided partnerships, unhealthy relationships, and heartbreak. By bravely delving into the intentions and accountability within a relationship, Gracie Abrams emerges a more mature, self-aware role model for anyone seeking to understand and build true connection and shared support.
Illustration: Amelia Tran
