When I have a problem, be it a school, boy or other concern, I am fortunate enough to have a group of friends I know I can go to for advice. Some of these people I met in residence at Queen’s; others I have known since I was five. I trust each one of them and I know they have my best interest in mind. They hold an unbiased perspective on the situation that I do not possess myself and their input is frankly invaluable. While their honesty is not always what I want to hear, I know they are looking out for me. And I will begrudgingly admit, they are right almost every time.

Admittedly, I have been told many times that whatever random guy I’m “in love with” is not worth my time or that the essay I got a bad mark on is not going to change anything. Unfortunately, I completely ignored their reassurance. My irrational reasoning, fuelled by naive optimism and melodrama, always seems to contradict whatever level-headed advice they provide me with. Whether it is clinging on to some futile endeavour, or just taking time to realize that in this instance it is out of my control, taking their advice is not easy. Even though I acknowledge the validity of their warning that this boy is not the one for me, taking their advice to not text him seems out of the realm of possibility at the moment. Then once I realize that they were right, I immediately regret not abiding by their suggestion, and inevitably, the cycle repeats itself.

I think this goes both ways; just as I go to my friends for support, they often will come to me with some dilemma that I am supposed to resolve. I don’t think my advice is anything extraordinary: I say the standard “if he wanted to, he would” or “one mistake doesn’t make you evil”, but I would still deem it good advice. After all, these are mantras thrown on inspirational Instagram posts for a reason. I don’t want to see my friends upset or hurt, so I’m not going to give them advice that would lead them astray or that I wouldn’t implement in my own life.

Using the criteria that “I would implement it in my own life” to discern what is sound advice is deeply ironic because at some point, I have likely opted not to implement it in my own life. As I said before, nothing I would advise my friends to do is earth-shattering or especially creative, so it has likely at one point or another been told to me. If we presuppose the validity of the advice I am giving my friends and the advice they are giving me, it becomes apparent that I am frequently not taking my own advice.

I believe this has two implications: be sympathetic if your friend disregards your advice, and if you would not tell a friend to do what you are about to do, don’t do it. I have gotten into numerous arguments with friends after I disregarded their advice, and then they had to deal with my regret and my complaints when the situation ended poorly. Admittedly, I get their frustration; if I had heeded their advice, neither of us would be in this position. But because I did not, they have to deal with the fall out from something that could have been easily avoided. Having been the ignored “advice-giver”, I have come to realize that getting upset at my friend is counterproductive. Ultimately, they are likely already suffering feelings of regret and piling on my own annoyances will not make things better.

The second stance I have tried to adopt is to take my own advice. As it turns out, those dreaded mantras I tell others, also apply to my life. Independent of the hypocrisy of ignoring one’s own advice, I have learned to trust my instinct. Beneath the incoherent justifications I cling on to, I know that what my friends are telling me is exactly what I would tell them; therefore, there is no reason why I should be discarding their advice. Even if taking their advice means letting go of something you are not quite ready to move on from. Although it may not be the path of least resistance, there is a reason you would tell a friend in your position to “dump them". It is because of that reason that I have learned to take my own advice. No matter what irrelevant factor I try to bring in to justify the course of action I want to take, the best advice is to take your own advice.

Header by: Aglaia Joithe