When dating apps become an obligation

I can’t say I hate it, because what’s to hate about an app whose only aim is to bring together people who want to be brought together? Plenty of people have met their soulmates on Tinder or had a good night or a fun story to tell because of it, but it’s not for me.  Not to say I’m against a good hookup - does saying a good hookup make me sound old? My problem is that I get bored quickly. I like hooking up with people I’ve just met at a party or someone I’ve been crushing on for a while, but I don’t have the energy to message someone for a few days and exchange pleasantries only to go over to their house that night and maybe (quite possibly) not be attracted to them, or to find out they’re a bit of a creep.  Even with dating, I find Tinder is not really worth the time. People giving dating advice say that you have to go on a bunch of bad dates until you finally find the one, which is fine. I’m fine with wasting an hour of my day on date, but I’m not down to waste hours leading up to that day texting someone all the time and asking someone I’ve never met how their day was. Which is what Tinder is all about, you match with someone then you text them for ages before one of you is brave enough to ask the other for drinks, coffee, etc. 

I’m fine with wasting an hour of my day on date, but I’m not down to waste hours leading up to that date texting someone I don't know.

My friends will tell you I’m not a huge fan of texting, and maybe that’s part of my problem. But if we ignore my dislike of texting, it still feels weird to me when I have to text a stranger who I’ve only seen a picture. There’s no reason for me to be interested or invested in talking to this person, aside from a photo of them, sure it helps if they’ve got personality through their text but even then, I’ve never met this person and I don’t know if it’s going anywhere. When you go on a date and end up not being attracted (personality-wise or looks-wise) to the person you matched with, all those days of texting feel like a huge waste of time. 

All those days of texting can feel like a huge waste of time. 

Bottom line: Tinder is a waste of my time because there’s nothing to make me invested in the person I’m texting.  But, despite what I’ve detailed above I constantly find myself redownloading Tinder.  Even right now I’m thinking should I redownload Tinder? But no, I shouldn’t! Why? Because I hate it… ok dislike it! The only reason I feel like I need to download Tinder is because I feel like there’s this pressure at university to always have a guy you’re talking to or texting, if not dating. It’s supposed to make you seem more fun, and give you stories to tell. When you’re not with a guy it’s assumed that you’re lonely, which of course is rarely the case.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to talk to or be with a guy. That’s fine, but Tinder or any other dating app should only be used because you want to use them, not because you feel any pressure to date from parents, friends, culture or anything else for that matter. So maybe I’m ruining my chances of a hot hookup, a fun date, or even a future boyfriend by being against Tinder, but to me the free time and mind space I get from not swiping and having to be emotionally involved in several text conversations at all times is well worth what I’m missing.  Tinder isn’t for me, and that’s ok. 

Tessa Warburton is an online MUSE contributor

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