Let’s Unpack This
Fun fact about me (that I do not shut up about), is that my favorite movie of all time has got to be 10 Things I Hate About You. Do you blame me though? Tensions were high, and jeans were low—I could truly ask for nothing more. I’d like to say I’m a hopeless romantic, to justify my film choices; but the truth is, I’m not.
In all sincerity, I just really like romantic comedies. The feeling of obliterating a Ben and Jerry’s tub of cookie dough ice cream while simultaneously having popcorn in the microwave, all while attempting to relate to Julia Stiles, Kate Hudson or even Drew Barrymore, is comforting in ways I cannot explain.
While I’m sure this is a trait I share with many, I think this genre has considerably shaped my views on the idea of love and relationships—living my life nit-picking every potential love interest until I deem them unworthy of the love I have to give. As harsh as that sounds, it’s the truth. I think when picturing relationships, we, or should I say I, often try to look for picture perfect individuals. Ones that will help us, or me, achieve the moments we capture in movies. Thus, while I believe in love, I was more concerned about wasting it on the wrong people, people who weren’t perfectly perfect.
While I hate to admit it (and I hope no one misunderstands me), I believe the big push of self-love on social media was a large contributor to these feelings. Evidently, self-love is a crucial aspect of any individual’s welfare, but its extreme portrayal in the media almost planted a seed of superiority within me. These campaigns made me feel untouchable in a sense, making me feel as though others were undeserving of me and my love. This self-identification as flawless came tumbling down during my junior year of high school. Like every other 17-year-old, I was beginning to discover who I truly was, realizing that we as humans try painfully hard to sell an unrealistic image of who we are. Accepting that I myself am a package deal with all of the emotional baggage I carry on a daily basis from past experiences liberated me from the idea that nobody deserves me; because in no way did I fill the shoes of what I was looking for in a partner (which I recognize was a little hypocritical on my end).
You must understand it came as a shock to me that no one is perfect. How could I expect myself to be with anyone less than that? After all, the movies I was watching portrayed the concept of relationships as picture perfect, with each individual wholly complimenting the other. As silly as it sounds, it took me years to come to terms with the concept of the yin and yang; there will simply always be bad in the good, just like how there is always good in the bad. With all of that aside, carrying emotional baggage alone can get heavy, but this baggage gets a little lighter once shared with someone. Human beings are constantly on the search for the perfect mate, but perfection simply does not and will never exist. We all have our ups and downs, and so will your future, current, or past partner(s), but the downs get easier to deal with, and the ups feel nicer, when shared with someone. And just like the romantic comedies I oh so love to watch, a “perfect” significant other is not impossible to find, our definition of “perfection” just has to change.
“Human beings are constantly on the search for the perfect mate, but perfection simply does not and will never exist.”
This concept does not end at romantic relationships. It applies to friends as well. While holding our friends to a high standard is important, it is crucial to remember that they are also humans with their own baggage to carry…shocking, I know. While this all may sound cliché and maybe a little bit cringe, I want to emphasize that my hope behind all of this is for my loved ones to feel comfortable enough unpacking their baggage with me. Finding the people who made me feel safe enough to share the feelings and experiences I carry with me lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I felt heard and seen, finally being able to breathe and maneuver my way around situations causing me grief. The importance of confiding with those I trust and love became apparent, and more often than not, they, themselves, were able to relate - humanizing them more in my eyes and further proving that we are all on the same plane. I was and am not alone, and you are not alone either.
- Always open to listening, Mar xx
Header Illustration by Taryn Resende and Rida Chaudhry
