For as long as I can remember, September has been a month of anticipation. As I stood in a single-file line against the walls of my elementary school on the first day, waiting and hoping that my best friends were in the same class as me, I was a nervous wreck. In high school, it was seeing everyone all in the same place together again, and the excitement of new classes and challenges. This time is different. As I count down the days until I’m back in my student house, I can’t help but worry about the inevitable day that happens to fall in this month of excitement: the day I turn 20. 

As I write this, I’m still in the comfort of my teen years, finding peace in knowing that whatever responsibilities automatically fall on you when you enter your twenties don’t apply yet. Attempting to summarize two decades worth of life lessons into a digestible article is near impossible, but there is one which has carried me through my life, and probably always will. As simple as it sounds, learning to live in solitude and accepting that my own company will always be enough is arguably the most vital practice that will be following me into my 20’s. There was no situation in particular that led me to place this lesson at the top of my list, but rather the amalgamation of my lived experiences. 

Although often used interchangeably, solitude and loneliness are two very different concepts. Loneliness often has negative connotations associated with it, whereas solitude is the “state of being alone without being lonely.” I place them on opposite ends of the spectrum, with solitude being a choice, and loneliness being a feeling, less dependent on circumstance. Loneliness can creep up on you even if you’re surrounded by the happiest people on the planet, which is why it has more to do with your inner state of being than anything else. Most self-help books or lists on how to be more in touch with yourself revolve around the same general concept: introspection. Examining your own thoughts from an inward perspective is most easily done in quiet and relaxing spaces, often without the presence of anyone but yourself. Journaling, yoga, and meditation are often the suggested practices to tune out the noise of daily life and reconnect with your mind. 

Learning exactly what it means to be alone, and subsequently enjoying that time, is not something accomplished overnight. Coming from an ambivert, this idea may hold little weight to those who thrive around constant social interaction, yet understanding how to find comfort in your own existence will set a solid foundation for relationships, careers, and life experiences. Most things in life are fleeting, and I think this is why I emphasize the importance of being okay with people leaving, careers ending, and circumstances changing. No one person will stay the same for their entire existence, but the constant is their own presence. Forming deeper trust and confidence within yourself allows you to take on new challenges and navigate different areas of your life with greater ease. 

The word solitude paints a different picture in the minds of everyone, and it might not always mean sitting in the dark, alone with your thoughts. To me, solitude has solidified the confidence I have in myself to be okay with doing things alone. I value the friendships in my life more than most things and without a doubt, they have made me a better person, but I know that I wouldn’t completely lose myself if they disappeared tomorrow. To be able to have people to go to when you’re overwhelmed, stressed, or just tired of talking to yourself is crucial to our existence. In a similar fashion, you have to understand how to deal with some of those emotions on your own. That skill is acquired by starting out with the small things, like taking yourself out for coffee or a solo errand run. Over time, the things that seemed daunting become everyday habits, and it becomes much more natural to appreciate quality time spent with yourself.

Sometimes it's easier to distract ourselves from inner turmoil by preoccupying our time with unproductive and often counterintuitive tasks. While being a part of a generation that is so consumed with the next best thing and is always trying to live up to unimaginable standards, it makes sense why so many people are hesitant to slow down. The fear that many of us hold to sit with ourselves and ask the hard questions is limiting to any sort of self-improvement. I, too, find myself searching for distractions from the things I know I should address, solely because they’ll lead me down a rabbit hole of questions. To avoid the never-ending search for answers, I try to determine the root cause of the pestering thought. In this way, I avoid the chaos that usually ensues when I start to overthink. Personally, these steps can only be taken when I’m alone, in peace and quiet. Some of the smartest people I know work best in chaotic situations, yet I think everyone should, at the very least, attempt to address their suppressed thoughts in a healthy manner.

If I still haven’t been able to convince you that you should prioritize that much needed alone time, then maybe scientifically proven reasons will do the trick. Increases in productivity, creativity, and empathy are just a few of the results that have been identified in those who choose to spend more time with themselves. Especially as creatives, it’s crucial that there is dedicated time to let your mind wander and tap into differing parts of your brain. 

As September inevitably rolls around, it’s back to weekly Sunday brunches with my housemates and 3am kitchen discussions over every topic under the sun. Finding solitude in between these moments is something that I take joy in, but I’ll never pass up an opportunity for a walk to the pier or a late night ice cream run. This time though, I’ll be a year older, and hopefully a lot more years wiser. 

Header Illustration: Sadie Levine