Through the Looking Glass
Header: Amelia Tran
A teacher I had in high school once asked my class if self-awareness was truly a good thing, or if it simply justified anxiety over what other people thought of us, encouraging us to overthink and creating self doubt and insecurity. He questioned if we thought those we look down on for lacking self-awareness might actually be happier individuals, finding contentment within themselves rather than through the gaze of others. At the time, I prided myself on my self-awareness, considering it to be an advantage, allowing me to read situations and social environments and act accordingly. But this teacher’s comments stuck with me, forcing me to rethink the way I look at the world– and at myself.
Self-awareness is considered an asset; a characteristic one can pride themselves on having. We admire the trait in others and sometimes even look with pity or frustration at those who appear to lack it. Self awareness can be defined as the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively, an important factor in how we think, feel and act. To understand others’ perception of you and the consequences of your actions and words on the surrounding society has many benefits. It makes one more proactive, incites self-development, and generally makes for better communicators. Self-awareness requires you to acknowledge your flaws and strengths, as well as your potential and boundaries. It allows us to determine whether our thoughts and feelings are grounded in reality. But in excess, anything can have unfavourable consequences. When it comes to self-awareness, can there be such a thing as ‘too much’?
Mark Manson, the bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, wrote that “self-awareness is like great sex: everyone thinks they have a ton of it, but in reality no one knows what the fuck they’re doing.” Self-awareness is incredibly subjective. The personal nature makes it all too easy to surpass a healthy amount of self-awareness and slip down the rabbit hole into an abyss of obsessive overthinking.
The gaze of society can be overwhelming and toxic. It can create internalized prejudices against others and yourself. For example, Laura Mulvey’s male gaze describes the objectification of women through a patriarchal voyeurism in art, but this can affect one’s reality as well. There is a difference between self awareness and self-objectification, the process of monitoring one’s body based on the perceived perspective of outside observers. The line between is too often blurry. In an op-ed for The New York Times about her struggle with the internalization of the male gaze, Jennifer Bartlett wrote “I like it when men look at me. It feels empowering. Frankly, it makes me feel like I’m not being excluded”. The internalization of the objectifying gaze is complex but common, and has a great influence over women’s self-awareness. The same applies to other power dynamics present in society, which often detrimentally impact the perception of ourselves and others. It’s difficult to transcend the societal norms which have been historically and institutionally instilled in us, and their impact is vaster than we often acknowledge.
Too much self awareness can lead to anxiety and fuel self doubt, even leading to depersonalization, an uncomfortable position of feeling disconnected from your own mind and body. To allow external validation to hold too much significance can create a loss of autonomy, as you allow others an excess of power over the idea of yourself.
In the era of social media, this phenomenon is further exacerbated by comment sections, likes, follows, and the ability to curate the image of yourself you want others to perceive. Even those who pride themselves on posting casually are making a conscious choice to do so. Social media is a performance in itself, forcing a hyper-awareness of ourselves and our position within society. An increasing amount of online posts involving filming people unknowingly or stopping strangers on the street to ask controversial questions intensifies the impulse towards self-awareness in defence of the constant potential surveillance we may be under. While this technological progress can allow us to hold people accountable, it also creates unnecessary anxiety and a paranoia of constantly being perceived.
Much of society’s standards and norms are based on constructs, which shift and progress with time. Self-awareness in itself is a construct. We can never truly know what people think about us. We will never truly know the perception of our emotions and actions. Of course, it’s important to be empathetic and try to understand others’ points of view. It is necessary to have an understanding of what is appropriate, and how this changes with circumstances.
We exist in a global community where our actions have consequences that affect other people, a fact that must be remembered. But it’s all too easy to become a mirrorball, performing to please others’ expectations of you. To live for other people is not really a life at all. Not everyone will like you, but that’s ok, because it’s not your job to be likable to other people. We are but one small speck in a vast and mighty universe, so we might as well do what we want (but don’t be an asshole) and live free from the pressure of expectation.
