The Heritability of Success

Last summer, I took the MCAT. 

For four months, I sat at a desk from morning to night, turning my brain into mush. The most sunlight I got each day were the thin rays peeking through my blinds every morning. The extent of my physical activity was walking to my kitchen and to the bathroom. 

It was miserable, but for a while, it was worth it as I was getting promising scores on my practice exams. My parents would congratulate me on how I was doing– say they were proud, that I’d do well on the real thing. But no matter how well I did, I never accepted their praise. In fact, I vehemently denied it. I ignored all of the progress I was making and put more faith in the possibility I would fail. 

This mindset persisted all the way to the day of my exam. Behind every question I answered, from the first to the last, was the mentality that I would do poorly and would have to retake the exam next summer. 

I wrote the test in August, got my score back in September. I was disappointed, but interestingly, I was surprised. Though I was actively anticipating unideal results, I was still surprised when they arrived.

It could very well have been the case that I didn’t do enough to prepare. This is absolutely a possibility. But the mentality I had, that I was bound to fail, certainly didn’t help. 

I had ingrained in myself that no matter how much hard work I put in, I would do poorly. While in the moment, I had thought it would protect me from disappointment, it was all for nothing because I still ended up feeling that way. After getting my score back, for a while, I reflected on why I had these thought patterns and where they came from. 

I'm Filipino and immigrated to Canada from the Philippines when I was nine years old with my parents and three sisters.

I enjoyed my time in elementary and middle school getting to know new friends, explore new places, and adjust to the new lifestyle.

When I started high school, I noticed a difference between me, my classmates, and even my friends. There was a disparity in the connections and opportunities that my classmates had compared to myself, which could be in part attributed to my network as an immigrant. When those around me were struggling academically or trying to choose a program for university or college, they had parents, siblings, family friends, and mutual friends they could comfortably get advice and helpful resources from.

This disparity became even more evident when I came to Queen’s. After my undergrad, I want to pursue a career in medicine, and I realized that a lot of my classmates had several ties to practicing doctors or current medical students. Many of their pre-existing connections were able to provide them research opportunities at labs or esteemed employment opportunities. Meanwhile, I did not have any of these connections. In retrospect, I have not actually seen any Filipino physicians in my time in Canada. 

Recently, I reached out to an association of Filipino Canadian doctors to see if I could meet with a doctor to discuss their pathway to medicine.

I prepared a list of questions to ask before the call - what their MCAT preparation looked like, what drew them to being a doctor. All of these questions dissolved when we started talking. Our conversation instead ended up being about his experience as a Filipino in medicine.

He was one of the only Filipinos in his biomedical engineering degree and the only Filipino in his cohort of medical students at the University of Toronto. Though his friends and family acted as a great support system, he didn’t know any Filipino doctors or med students who could serve as role models, which caused him to feel isolated and hopeless at times about becoming a doctor. 

He had gone through the same experiences and feelings I’ve been having for the past three years. I’d never felt more related to. But in spite of his feelings, he had overcome these barriers to become a successful doctor. 

After that call, I realized how much of a disservice I was doing myself by not being confident. Though I face some challenges to success as a Filipino immigrant, it doesn’t mean I should let these challenges stop me from trying my hardest to reach my goals. Nobody is inherently bound to fail. Assuming the worst possible scenario is one of the worst things you can do. Though disappointment is painful, giving up is even more so. 

The reality is that success isn’t easy for everybody. Everyone has hurdles they need to jump to become successful. That’s not a struggle specific to me or specific to anybody else. It’s about what I choose to do with what I have.

Illustrated by Valerie Letts