If I Had A Daughter

an international women’s day piece

If I had a daughter, I’d smile because I could only be so lucky to see how she could change the culture around her. I’d pick through my memories, the movies I’ve seen, and the traditions I’ve become blindly accustomed to and compile a guide of my advice to help her thrive and recreate her world. She’ll hear enough of her position as a subjugated person with additional barriers in this world from the rest of the world. But from me, she would learn how to be the happiest girl while taking down every obstacle in her way. 

That list would look a little something like this… 

Your emotions and how you feel are the most valuable sources of knowledge you’ll ever have access to. Your mind and your heart are always with you. They’ll grow and change with you; encyclopedias grow out of style, and empiricism isn’t always reliable. If you hold close the way you feel, it’ll impact how you navigate the world with kindness and consideration for others . Trust your emotions because those will make you the best person to yourself and the people who matter. 

Be strong and happy taking up space, taking back space. Despite how others will make you feel throughout your life, you deserve and are entitled to any seat at any table you want. If that doesn’t work, then you can make your own table. You have every right to be, and to exist, despite how small you may feel at times. I’ll always encourage you to use your voice to take up and take back the space you deserve. You deserve to use your voice and to be heard by those around you. 

Give to yourself. As much as being good to the ones you love is vital, you can’t sustain those habits and ways of being without giving and caring for yourself first. You’ll always live with yourself; there’s no running from you, so that relationship is the most important. It’ll look different; whether it’s taking a longer sharing or booking a flight to the furthest city, nurture yourself first. 

Treasure your friendships. Nothing worth remembering is done alone. The people you invite into your life will always bring something with them, either something of sweetness or something to learn, heal and grow from. More often than not, they’ll bring you both. Sometimes we can’t give ourselves all the protection and love in the world, so treasure the friends that love you, and lean on them, too. Treasure the friends who would spend late nights celebrating or comforting you when you need it. 

The camaraderie amongst girls is the greatest there ever will be. Though it’s never guaranteed, most of us know to look out for one another. That can look like always going to the bathroom with a friend or offering to walk with another girl part of the way home. We’ll look out for each other’s drinks and be honest and kind to each in a way that’s special to girls. Tell her where you found those pants she said looked nice on you. Laugh with the girls in the bathroom. Offer to take that group picture for the girls who seem so excited to be together. The closeness and alliance amongst girls is so special, revel in it and foster it for the girls around you and those who will come after you. 

Love is not something that’s earned or constantly fought for. It grows and changes; sometimes it fits and other times it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship, but the people you love and care for may not be the same throughout your life. You deserve to fall, revel in, and lose love throughout your life because it will make you stronger and know yourself better. No straightforward story is worth remembering forever. 

Vulnerability is a gift. To be okay with opening your heart and world to someone else, even when it’s been bulldozed by someone else, is a sign of bravery. There will be parts of you that feel small, have never seen the sunlight, and fear the outside will hurt as much as whatever pushed them inside, but they deserve to be outside again. Share yourself wholly with the ones you love. 

“I hope you hold this advice close to your heart, the way I hold them close to mine”

You deserve complete control. You have this life, to make anything and everything from it. You deserve to make your own decisions, mistakes, and memories. The control you have over your life will be challenged by so many people and structures, but use your voice and your heart to keep it. You deserve to live and be exactly who you are without someone or something limiting your potential. Not only do you deserve control over your life, but so does everyone else, so advocate for those who will also have their autonomy constantly challenged. 

I hope you hold this advice close to your heart, the way I hold them close to mine. If you can live in this every day, you’ll be so much happier in a world that can physically and emotionally take so much out of women and girls. You deserve everything you could ever want, and you must go for it wholly and unapologetically. Do everything to make yourself and those around you feel safe and loved because there will be so many spaces that won’t do it for you. Love what and whom you want endlessly and with no regrets because it is your life, and you deserve to live it happily. Maybe one day, you can use your voice and memories to add to this collection of advice if you have a daughter.

Header by: Sadie Levine