Invisible String
In 2020, Taylor Swift released one of my favourite albums, Folklore. And while the album is filled with incredible tracks, and I am unable to pick a favourite, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the song Invisible String and its relevance to the topic of choosing healthy relationships.
In the song, she writes, “one single thread of gold tied me to you”. Here, Taylor is writing about how every decision, every mistake, and every past lover has led to her current boyfriend, her “one”. She wrote that they were fated to meet as this single thread of gold has tied them together, leading her away from anything that wasn’t meant to be.
In Chinese mythology, there is a belief called the Red Thread of Fate. In this belief, two people are connected by a red piece of string tied at the ankles. In Japanese culture, the red thread is bound from the male’s thumb to the female’s little finger. While today, it is common for all cultures to depict the string tied at both the lover's little finger. When the thread is tied to two people, it means that they are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. The red string that connects them may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.
And while I find the concept of soulmates questionable, I love the idea that there is a single thread tying you to someone for life. No matter how far you stray from each other, whether you are on speaking terms or haven’t spoken in years, you will always be connected.
I think this happens for every type of relationship. Friends, enemies, family, romance. I will always be tied to my grade five best friend, my siblings, my neighbourhood friends growing up, and the people who hurt me. Not tied in a way where we will always come back together, but in a way where I will carry them with me for the rest of my life. The good, the bad, it has all made its way into my heart, my everyday life, and my personality.
For example, have you ever noticed that you pick up habits and sayings from people that you love and spend the most time with? I have been dating my boyfriend for three years, and there is rarely anything that we ever disagree on, with the exception of arguing if broccoli belongs on pizza (it does). We share the same thoughts, the same opinions, we share the same interests and hobbies, we vote for the same people and oftentimes say the same thing at the same time (and then argue who said it first) (me, it's always me who says it first). I have also had the same best friend for almost ten years. We have the same music taste, almost always have had the same jobs, and currently, we are studying in the same field. In my first year at Queen's University, I shared a dorm with my roommate for eight months. And for those eight months, I spent almost all of my time with her. We went to the dining hall together, we studied at the library together, we went to the gym together and every night we would stay up until 2 am talking about everything and nothing. By April, we were good friends. We had the same style and the same outlook on school and I found myself saying the same catchphrases and executing my jokes in the same way.
Oscar Wilde wrote that most people are other people. Their thoughts are somebody else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. Jorge Luis Borges said that I am not sure that I exist actually. I am all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have met, all the women that I have loved; all the cities that I have visited.
I am individually myself and collectively everyone else. I think of myself as little pieces that make a whole. A thousand-piece mosaic, each piece gifted to me by someone in my life. Whether that be someone who I have loved for years or briefly saw in passing on the train. My mom, my stepdad, my dad, and my grandparents. Without each piece, I would not be me, there would be a part of me missing.
It is through other people that we find ourselves. My first tattoo is in my grandmother’s handwriting, my favourite sweater is my dad’s old college one, I have playlists of songs people have sent to me, and my go-to coffee order is the one a friend ordered for me.
Everything that I love, someone else has loved first. My first love was someone else's, my favourite hobby is shared with countless people, and I am not the top listener of my favourite artists.
I am tied to everyone I have ever loved or ever met.
As I muse over my past, my current relationships, and how I am not one person but hundreds of people, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to surround yourself with healthy relationships. People who are secure and kind. People who inspire you, uplift you, and hold you accountable because our relationships can drastically change who we are and create new versions of ourselves, both positively and negatively. Whether we are aware of it or not, whether we allow it to happen or refuse. Think about the person you want to be and align yourself accordingly. Be selective with what and to whom you invest your energy. The person you will be in five years largely depends on these six things:
The books you read.
The people you surround yourself with.
The clubs you join.
The conversations you engage yourself in.
The food you eat.
The habits you adopt.
The entirety of our human experience is valuable. None of it is unnecessary or avoidable as our experiences and the people we meet make us into who we are. All the pain that you have gone through, all the betrayal and hurt that you’ve endured, all the love and firsts shaped you exactly into the person you are today. The person you needed to be for your future.
There will always be new things to discover, new things to learn about yourself. You will tie yourself to new people, make new friends, and find new hobbies. You'll fall in love with someone you haven’t met yet, or find a new favourite artist. We will always evolve as life goes on and as people come and go. Your heart will be shaped and reshaped, but the pieces people in your life leave last forever and can be found in your personality, your hobbies, your mental health and your reactions to certain situations. So make sure to walk away from people who do not treat you the way you deserve to be treated, implement personal boundaries and actively surround yourself with people you genuinely enjoy and those who bring love into your life.
