still 

                i can plant my feet on the ground 

                stand up straight 

                exhale 

                                                                                but if the ground cracks get to me 

                                                                                                                when 

                                                                underground 

                                                                                dark 

                                                                                                shaking 

                                                                panic inspiring 

                                those cracks are closer 

                                                moving too slowly 

                                                                                                                still scared 

                                                                                                                                now it feels 

                                                                                                                                                distant 

                                                                                                                                                numb

                                                                                                                                    less 

                                                                                                                                  forever 

                                                                                then one crack 

                                                                slips                         grab me   drags me 

                                now i look up at the ground    sky          sun          cracks 

                                                                cheek to salted knee

                                                                                                                missing

                                                                                                                no ladder will be thrown down 

                                                                                                just have to scrape upwards 

                                                but i just can’t yet 

                                                                                                time goes by 

                                                                                and by 

                                still missing                                                                             still can’t yet

                                                                still want to 

new 

                i left for a few 

                felt like a snap and a lifetime 

                all at once 

                                                                                                                stared at lights 

                                                                                                then sunlight poured back into me 

                                                stepped on pavement 

                                everything felt solid underneath again 

                                                                                                then the sun set 

                                                                stars took a vacation 

                                                                                                                i went back 

                                                                                ground became gelatin 

                                                                light taken back from me 

                                                                                                here we find ourselves again 

                                                                                nothing generates what i need 

                                i can’t create enough rain 

                                to make a rainbow 

                                                                                                only rain  overcast 

                                                but one day the sun will restore

                                                                                rainbows glimmer 

                                                                cheeks stretch

still waiting for the day                                                                           knowing it’ll get here 

hourglass 

                quick  

                                time goes

                                                                                                                                all this talk of 

                                                                                                                recharge 

                                                                                                self-care 

                                                                                                                                                all time 

                                                                                                                             burying me quickly 

                                                                if i could freeze it 

                stare at the glass 

                                                                read 

                                                                                                                think        write 

                                                                touch the glass 

                                swim upward 

                                                                                break free 

                                                broken glass 

                                                                                                sand trails 

                                                                time will move again 

                                                                                                with the grace of my hand 

                                sunlight will heat us

                                                                                                we’ll all be where 

                                                                                we dream to be

the great extraction 

                                please let me

                                                                open the door

                                                                light in    

                                                                smog out 

                                                                                                                no key 

                                                                                                                    code                                                                   

                                                                                nothing here to

                                                                break the door

                                                                                                a window

                                dig out 

                                                                                                                                I can 

                                                                                                                kick 

                                                                                                                                scream 

                                                                                                                                                cry 

                                                                                                all comes out 

                                                                                                                nowhere else to go 

                                                                ankle deep 

                                                murky                      black tears 

                                                                                                elbow deep 

                                                                                nearing window

                                                                                                                                                floating on 

                                                                                                                                glass shatters 

                                                move out 

                                                                                                relief

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