Tits or Ass?
Usually, when arriving at parties, I am quick to find the couch. Maybe it’s because I struggle connecting with people in large groups, or because I’m not necessarily a dancer or as extroverted as others. Although because of these tendencies, I’ve overheard a plethora of conversations between all kinds of people. Questions asked between friends, lovers and strangers - deemed just as valuable as a “how are you?”.
Men in sweaty t-shirts asking their equivalents whether they prefer a woman's breast, or her behind, in the most artfully chosen three words -“tits or ass?”. The most pivotal question of all. While one may think this is a simple inquiry regarding a personal preference, it is ultimately the determinant of a man’s personality, his identity.
Girls gossiping in the bathroom about their flings…“Okay but real talk, what time were they born?” With the difference of mere seconds, a potential love interest can be exiled from the roster. So sad, but it must be done; I’m sure they’ll understand.
“Serious question, how do you take your coffee?” Too sweet - you’re definitely immature, too black - you’re too pretentious…
“Pineapple on pizza?” There’s a right answer, and it’s not yes…
“What’s your Snap score?” Too high? Whore. Too low? No friends..
“Does height matter?” If yes, you’re superficial. If not, you must be lying.
While the answers to these questions may seem pivotal to the acquaintance of an individual, their arbitrary nature poses the even larger question of “why?”. Why do we reckon these questions as this high of importance and hold their responses to a great esteem. I myself fall victim to this, considering others’ answers as a window to their soul.
While I stay clear of gemini men and seriously question the taste of those who enjoy pineapple on pizza, can these traits really be a good judge of character? Is this extensive list of questions used in order to perceive others merely a facade we use to tell ourselves we are experts at reading people? But our generation really has assigned a high degree of importance to a multitude of questions, using them as determinants on how we will view or judge one another.
At first, I found this matter ridiculous - how could we possibly view others in a different light due to their coffee of choice, or whatever else it may be. And that is valid. However the counter-argument makes much more sense to me, personally. We, as humans, are made up of all our thoughts, opinions, and views, no matter their gravity. Ranging from our religious and political beliefs, to our favourite colours, these opinions, in combination with others, are what create individuality within us, differentiating us from everyone else. So, in a sense, the answers to these seemingly insignificant questions are actually quite the opposite.
All my friends who enjoy pineapple on their pizza are far more risk taking than me…
All those I know who enjoy black coffee are the biggest fans of the finer things in life…
Those big on astrology have more incentive to understand others’ emotions and actions…
Those with high snap scores are far more connected to their friends online than those with low ones.
And while many of these questions are far more shallow than others, they simply stem from what society has deemed important nowadays. The common question of “tits or ass?” is a reflection of the normalization of the objectification of women, on and off the media. Although the question is extremely offensive and unnecessary, it is a voice hinting at what a large number of heterosexual, cisgender, men are thinking and feeling, more often than not. While patriarchy as a whole cannot be blamed on the men of today, the perpetual nature of misogyny can be blamed on questions like the latter. Nonetheless, I digress. My point is, these questions all stem from somewhere whether it be misogyny, or the rise in popularity of exotic fruits like pineapple.
We focus so much on the answers to these questions, that we forget that this list itself is rather juvenile to begin with. Although they are quite silly, these questions are, at the end of the day, popularized by us and everyone else who asks them. Despite their simple-minded nature, these questions and their respective answers really do tell a story.
I understand the need for these questions and in fact quite support the idea behind silly Q&A’s in order to get to know someone. However, certainly not those with misogynistic and derogatory precedence, i.e: those pertaining to snap-scores and female body parts. While I do hope that one day society can completely dismiss the side effects and remnants of this world's patriarchal history, maybe we can start by annihilating these types of questions from our list of “personality tellers”. But again, I digress.
I do understand the crux of posing frivolous questions to begin with, that being a matter of opinions. I may not have much to my name, but I have my opinions; and I’m comfortable with them representing me, as I’m sure others do as well. Each individual’s opinion is their gold, awaiting to be found and discovered by others, and what may not seem of value to me, could be a fortune to another.
Header by: Tiana Lam
