Why music sharing is so much deeper than it seems

Growing up in a pretty musical family, I’ve always had music as the undercurrent of my life. Almost all of my memories are associated with musical moments, like the songs I listened to on move-in day, the albums I listened to after my first heartbreak, and the playlists I would listen to with my friends on a late night drive. When I’m walking across campus, I almost always have headphones on, creating my own soundtrack to life based on how I feel that day or what I need to do. My music taste and my personality have shaped one another and have been influenced by my experiences and the people around me. My life and musical experiences have formed a deep, intertwining relationship with one another that means that anyone who tries to understand who I am as a person has to take both into account.

For most of my childhood, I would wake up on a Saturday morning to my mother playing music while she cleaned the kitchen. The songs would usually be highlife, a Ghanaian genre of music. In my mind, I understood this habit as her keeping a portion of her culture while she adapted to life in Canada and the changes that it brought. I’d come downstairs to the accented drums, sharp horns, and smooth lyrics that usually had a meaning that childhood me should not understand. To this day, when I hear those songs, I think of those mornings, with her singing and dancing along, my siblings and I getting assigned tasks, and our father making his specialty pancakes. When I moved to Kingston for school, it was only two hours away from home, but the environment was so different I felt very disconnected. To remedy this I started making my own routines and of course, using music to comfort myself. One Saturday morning when I was cleaning my room, I thought of my mother and decided to play a playlist of Ghanaian highlife. I was immediately transported to those moments and felt a deep connection to not only my mother but also my culture. Listening to those songs reminds me of where I came from and grounds me. Although we’ve had different upbringings and experiences, the music serves as a string of connection between myself and my mother, as it brings us to a space where we can let that all go and just dance together.

My friend group is constantly talking about music. We send albums, make playlists for each other, and even update each other on music releases on Thursday nights. To be able to share these experiences allows us to understand each other on a deeper level that can’t always be communicated. If I see someone listening to “Count Me Out” by Kendrick Lamar or “Cranes in the Sky” by Solange, it usually means that I should check on them because they’re going through a hard time. The connection that we have is deepened through our shared appreciation for art and the way we can explain ourselves and attempt to understand one another without having to do more than send a Spotify link. Since my group is made up of musicians, we understand that every aspect of the music is a conscious and intentional decision worth appreciation and exploration. From the meaning of the lyrics, to the drums fills, to even the background vocals, it all comes together to paint a beautiful picture that is worth admiration. When I’m studying, I’ll often send a quick message to the group chat: “someone send me an album to listen to” or “everyone send me a playlist.” Although those short messages may seem like me just being indecisive, they rather represent our ability to find ways to make up for the distance between us or long periods of time we go without seeing each other.

When getting to know someone, one question I always can rely on to tell me about someone is “what kind of music do you listen to?” It tells me the themes that they pay attention to, what comforts or inspires them, and how they fit art and beauty in their lives, especially in an age where it can be so easy to remove that from our day to day. As I think of my life, I think of it as a playlist of sorts. The memories are the songs and while the playlist may be disorganized and all over the place, the common theme running through it is that it is true to me and my experiences.

One of the purest forms of love that I find myself expressing, is sending people songs or playlists. It may seem small and insignificant, but shows not only that you see them and what they like, but that you thought of them when experiencing something as beautiful as music. As someone who often feels misunderstood or unheard, to be able to connect with others in a way that doesn’t demand too much but still has a deep meaning to me is important. Not only is it a way for me to connect with others but it’s also how I get to know and care for myself. I listen to songs to motivate me, to cause me to look deeper within myself, and to figure out who I want to be. The love I have for the art form translates into how I express myself with others. If I send you a song or playlist, it means I love you and I understand who you are and what you love. It is always more than a playlist.