The music we listen to often mirrors what we identify with, it acts as a reflection of what we see in ourselves. It took me a long time to realize that I’d been searching for an artist similar to me and my aesthetic. Being mixed race, caucasian and Filipino, I’ve been lucky enough to have two ethnicities to connect with. However, I was born and raised in Toronto, never been to the Philippines, never learned the language; and ultimately have always favoured the white culture I was surrounded by. A while ago I stumbled across Beabadoobee’s Vogue makeup video before I had ever even known who she was as a musician; I liked her makeup. And then I realized that she’s Filipino. Like me, Beabadoobee grew up in a white culture in England yet seemed to be pretty integrated in Filipino culture, more so than I at least. Her indie-rock music was different from what I had heard any other Filipino artist be a part of. Listening to Beadbadoobee’s music and enjoying it was a thought provoking experience. It was the first time I got to see someone who was Filipino like me make music in a genre I really enjoy and connect with on a personal level. Listening to Beadbadoobee’s discography was different from other experiences that I had, where I  tried to combine music and my Filipino heritage. 

Growing up I longed to know people I connected with who were Filipino as well. As soon as I thought people looked a bit more olive in skin tone like me, I questioned if they may also share my ethnicity. My family and I would go for brunch at Kelsey’s where for some reason they’d hang giant pictures of artists. While my sister was compared to Drew Berrymore, I would be compared to Shania Twain and I secretly hoped she may be Filipino like me. This contributed to me growing up listening to Shania Twain’s greatest hits and, while I love her music, she is very far from being Asian. I also thought Selena Gomez looked Filipino and still have her first three CDs in my car. Now, I clearly see our ethnic distinctions, but at the time, it was the closest I could feel to relatability. Essentially, I felt a consistent kind of confusion around my appearance, ethnicity, and music. 

My hope in finding music that people like me could resonate with was important because I was rarely a fan of the music my Filipino family was presenting me with. My extended family loved watching Filipinos perform on talent shows and I always felt guilty that I didn’t like it. Not because they were Filipino, but I simply didn’t resonate with the music’s genre, style etc. Catholicism is another thing that is very popular amongst Filipinos and, along with that, singing in choirs wasn’t something I easily enjoyed. Lastly, my family’s Filipino musical performances (in which I partook in), were hard to become immersed in because of my confused notion of what I was capable and/or supposed to sing. Was I supposed to sing choir music? Could I sing country like Shania Twain, or should I sing like the people I watched on TV that my family liked? The answer was always whatever I wanted. I think that’s something the artist who inspired this article does. Despite being an ethnic minority in the genre, Beadabobee is just as indie-rock as the other artists in the genre. 

In high school, I decided I’d adopt musical theatre as my “thing”. I discovered Lea Salonga, an extremely talented Filipino music theatre performer who became famous for starring in the original Miss Saigon on Broadway. That was my first experience discovering a Filipino artist that I liked, who inspired me to take what I love and just go for it; and that got me a degree in music theatre! I think the only difference between my experience with Beadadoobe is that she’s vulnerable and herself. Whereas Lea Salonga was often portraying characters like voicing Mulan or Jasmine in Disney movies. This inspired me to act as other characters but not to live life as my Philipino self like Beabadoobee. 

I have also found the band Fanny, a Filipino rock band in the ‘70s beloved by David Bowie. Sadly, hardly anyone knew or supported them because of their race. Personally, I like the personification of the mixture of different cultures. Filipino artists playing rock which originated from black culture, which was then appropriated and turned white. And then there’s me, both Filipino and white. It feels just like when I found out “Oi” is used to get people’s attention in both Irish and Filipino culture. 

Not only has Beabadoobee inspired my music taste, but she has also inspired my interest in learning more about Filipino culture; perhaps I’ll learn the language or even visit the country! Beabadoobee is much more involved in Filipino culture and heritage than I am, and that’s something I’ve really been wanting to lean into recently. Listening to her music as a Filipino artist feels very much like an act of participating in the part of my heritage I’m still getting to know.

I never realized how important it would be having an artist who I can really culturally relate to until I came across Beabadoobee’s music. It’s useful to know that the fusion of different musical styles can help navigate your sense of identity!

Illustration by Sam Andersen