The Mamas & The Papas, and the Children
We share a lot with our parents. Whether it’s inside jokes, favourite films, or even our aversion to certain foods, (olives are not welcome in my household) there’s a lot that connects us to those who brought us into this world. One connection that I’ve explored more recently, however, is the taste in music that I share with my Mom and Dad.
It’s easy to look at these relationships as different from a friendship—which they most definitely are–but I also believe there are a lot of elements that fit the definition of friends. The same things that strengthen our connection to our friends do the same for our parents. Our connection through music hasn’t always been present, or at the very least noticeable in my life. It developed with time, and I think you can make the same argument for the underlying relationship I had with my folks. For example, when I was quite young the first songs I remember listening to were by artists my Dad loved playing: Bruce Springsteen, The Tragically Hip, AC/DC and so on. My mom ran aux (or the 2004 equivalent of aux) less often, but when she did it was Tom Petty, Paul Simon, etcetera - I think you get the gist. Looking back now, I believe that the open conversation of music my family encouraged formed the foundation for my current thinking of music — as something worth sharing despite being too young at the time to contribute my own favourite jams to the mixtape. Now don't get me wrong, I love these artists and still have them in my rotation nowadays, but back then I didn't have the appreciation I have now for sharing music to be a two-way relationship
Growing up from this point onwards with my new iPod Touch in hand and the seemingly endless access to music it allowed, I started to discover genres on my own time and in turn developed a taste in music that was—for the first time in my life— something that was not passed down to me from my family. With high school came my discovery of hip-hop and rap through various friends, and finally, my university awakening came around that taught me who this one guy named Frank Ocean was. With this growing distance (both geographical and personal) between my parents and I, there was a hiatus of music sharing. They listened to their stuff and I listened to mine. We were still appreciating music just in isolation from one another. I don’t think it was until the pandemic hit that I actually started to remind myself that my parents were individuals who could appreciate and form their opinions on the music I shared with them. And so I did.
It started with me explaining Mac Miller’s entire life story to my Mom in the car one day while playing Swimming front to back. Then I blew my Dad’s mind by showing him all of the Lumineers’ music videos from their III album—if you haven’t seen these I cannot recommend them enough. From these initial breakthroughs, things just became normal. I would routinely test out new songs in the car with both my parents whenever I had the chance, each time learning more about their taste like I was a human Spotify algorithm. And eventually, this love was reciprocated. I started getting those heartwarming Spotify links in my messages with the world's most exciting message “I think you’d like this one”, I began to get vinyl from my favourite artists as gifts, as music started to creep its way into everyday conversation.
Of course our parents are all very unique with their own preferences and tastes, and each parent-child relationship with music is destined to be wildly different. I have friends who go to Kanye concerts with their dad, and others who aren’t allowed to play explicit music in the car (including myself until about a year ago). I don’t think everyone needs to convert their Mom into a Mac fan, but I do believe it's worth a shot to reach out and try to find some common ground with your family.
Like family stories, traditions, and even our aversion to olives, music is a vessel that we use to pass culture from one generation to the next. So why not channel these connections using a platform we’re most familiar with? I believe finding music to share can do no harm, but it doesn’t always come quickly. So don’t be afraid to take that first step and text a song you like or mention one of your new favourite bands at the dinner table. At the end of the day this is not the most important thing in your relationships, but it does add one more pillar to the foundation you have. Like many things, music is an ongoing conversation and it’s just about finding new topics to talk about.
Just remember, those who love you unconditionally will love your music too.
Header By: Valerie Letts
