Growing up and living far from any big venues, every show I went to was a weekend trip with parents, friends, and months of planning put in. Figuring out whether to go to Toronto or Detroit, whose parents are driving, and where we were staying was always a hassle. All of this, plus the cost alone, often led to us not going to the concert at all, but the ones we did go to, made for amazing memories with friends. Going to shows with just my parents though was different. I loved being able to see artists like Cage the Elephant, The Black Keys, and Foo Fighters with them but they know very well the gripes my adolescent self had with going to concerts with them. I would always beg and wish that we had gotten general admission tickets. Understandably, my parents never wanted to have to stand and be pushed around for upwards of three hours. I was also around twelve at the time so I don’t know why I even thought I would be able to handle being on the floor. They also loved to yell as loud as possible which annoyed me to no end in my “film every moment of the show” phase but eventually I got it. Now that I get to have a few drinks during the show, I do the same thing. Concerts hold such a prominent place in my heart since I have always found music to be such an easy way to connect with others. 

Until the moment came, I never realized firsthand how difficult it is to be the one planning the logistics of an out of town concert for a group of friends or the disappointment when you realize an artist you love is touring but you have no one to go with. These experiences over the years built up and eventually allowed me to make the push and start doing things alone. I’ve always been shy and still am. This used to keep me from doing many things for the fear of having to do them alone. Coming to university where everyone is on different schedules and going at different paces, though scary, forced me to face my fears and start doing the things I wanted to do alone. It started off a bit easier with solo trips to the library or a coffee shop, and then with time I stepped up to traveling and spending a full day in downtown Toronto by myself. This is when I began to realize that it’s nice to focus on yourself and not have to wait for others. 

The biggest leap came in October 2022, when I was supposed to see Gorillaz with two friends from home. For their own reasons, they had to cancel last-minute and I seriously considered selling my ticket on the day of the show even though I had a train ticket booked and my bag packed. What finally stopped me from canceling the trip was the likely possibility of not getting the chance to witness a Gorillaz show in the future. Let alone being lucky enough to have gotten a general admission ticket. How could I pass up the experience of seeing one of my favourite artists solely because I would be there alone? I know so many other people do it all the time so why can’t I? Thankfully, I didn’t pass up this chance and took the train down to Toronto with some fear lingering in the back of my head. I took myself out for dinner, then got to the venue right as the doors opened, and still managed to be within a few rows of the front of the stage. When the music started, nothing else mattered. The worries about how I look to others around me melted away immediately. After all, it’s not like I was focusing on what everyone around me was doing. I was preoccupied by Damon Albarn in his cowboy hat and heart-shaped sunglasses. Another advantage of this situation was not having to worry about losing anyone in the massive crowds pouring out of the arena. I was free to walk away and meet my uncle and cousin in a less busy area for a late night snack. Overall, the concert was a great experience and I wouldn’t change a single thing about it now. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t take away from the fact that being able to share these moments with friends who love the same music you do is just as valuable, but gaining the confidence to go alone gives you that much more freedom. 

Rewinding back to last April, a group of us had bought Yung Lean tickets for December 2022, which was half a joke and half wanting to see the show. But a few months later, it was announced that Beabadoobee was going to be in Toronto the same day as Yung Lean. I was extremely conflicted since I knew it was likely that I would end up having to see Beabadoobee alone. I knew that none of my university friends listened to her music and that the one friend from home who would go with me was in another continent, which made it a more difficult decision than it should have been. Especially when Beabadoobee had been my favourite artist since 2019 and I wasn’t able to see her on any of her previous tours. My housemates ended up convincing me to just go for it, a conversation I couldn’t be more grateful for. 

This ended up being a crazier trip since the show was on a Thursday night at the start of exam season, so I took the train to the city and the bus back to Kingston right after the concert. The most excruciating part was probably getting there an hour early, forgetting that everyone treats queuing for concerts as a sport now. Not knowing how far around the line was when I arrived, I started at the front of the venue and followed it back until I had almost walked all the way around the block. The crowd was younger than I had expected but, to be fair, only high schoolers would really have the time to spend their entire Thursday sitting outside a concert venue. Another aspect that surprised me was the number of kids there with their parents, bringing back memories of all the shows I went to in high school with friends and how our parents would stand at the back of the venue with a drink waiting for when they could go relax in the hotel room. By the time I had gotten into the venue I could no longer feel my feet but that didn’t bother me long because when Bea came on stage, I lost my mind and my voice. I had never sung or cheered so loud in my life before. I’m shocked I didn’t end up crying at some point. It was like that feeling of relief when you’ve been out all day and you finally get to come home and sink into the couch. I was so excited yet at peace simultaneously while finally experiencing the music and artist I had held so close to my heart for years, and that I had almost not gone to. 

Doing things alone only gets easier with time. So if you're nervous, then this is your sign to stop pushing it off. It's very freeing to be able to decide on your own to just go and see that artist you've always wanted to see. I couldn't encourage anyone more to go to a concert alone at least once and even if it ends up not being your thing, better to know than to hold yourself back.

Illustration by Katelyn Zeng