You Sound Happy
DISCLAIMER: Discussions of “big emotions” in this article are not in reference in chronic emotions that may concern mental illness.
I'm on the phone with my mom, telling her all the details of my reading week trip.When I finish my spiel, she responds: “You sound happy.” It's a small comment, yet I pause my thoughts for a moment and sink in the feeling… Right now, I am so happy. How can I keep it that way?
I’ve always had fleeting bouts of “big” emotions. Wide ranges of happiness, which become sadness, or anger or frustration. A rip tide that draws me out into the middle of the ocean. I struggle with my happiness in fear for when it will undoubtedly disappear. There is no universal way one copes when these overwhelming emotions may triumph over happiness. In these moments of heavy emotions, it can become so hard to recognize that it is only temporary. What does practicing gratitude have to do with this? Ultimately, it all comes down to perspective.
I find statements like ‘just look for the positive!’ so trivial in states of feeling “big emotions.” By big emotions I mean feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, anger etc. Where these emotions can be hard to understand or manage. I don’t always have the words to speak or explain how I feel. I always felt that targeting something positive will not “solve” anything. But that isn’t so true. There is a certain comfort in staying in negative emotions. Despite it being a shitty time, sometimes it requires too much effort to change.
My dad often talks about how there is a negative side to our internal monologue. The voice that tells us to wallow, to dig a deeper hole into the cavern of the negative. He tells me that the power we have is to ignore the voice. To - in a sense - beat it. It is, as most things are, not that easy. For the voice is disguised as the excuse behind myself validating five more minutes on my phone that turns into an hour of wasted time. Or, even when around my closest friends I cannot be in the moment because I’m too focused on the look of my thighs when I sit down. The problem is that we tend to trust this voice, to accept this inner critic/monologue. This voice can strip away moments of happiness, and replace them with negative thoughts, bad habits, “big emotions…” But your inner voice is not something that can be completely trusted. This inner voice is something that develops with you, with the times of societal pressure, consumption, trends etc. It can be programmed to constantly project false information.
The significance of gratitude helps break the cycle of thought that restricts available happiness. Gratitude is not only recognizing and acknowledging the goodness in one's life: it is the awareness and recognition of goodness in our lives, and further how this good came to us. As a result, to be grateful is forming a connection with an entity larger than oneself as an individual, such as other people, or nature. Gratitude can further regard an appreciation for experience, present time, and future opportunities. Its benefit is in its grounding abilities, which increase happiness, relationships, thoughts… Just the search for something to be grateful about raises dopamine levels.
We live in a world where there is the societal pressure of achieving the “perfect” life. In this state of perfection, one would be endlessly happy, and fulfilled economically and socially. In this pursuit of perfection, to always be chasing something more, we often disregard what we already have. Practicing gratitude targets people at a psychological and social level. Where we are reminded again, to take a step back, and come to terms with the fact that life is so much more than this proposed “happy life.” It is incredibly dynamic, but can be full of happiness despite the negative, and we can do ourselves a favor by aiding in our thought processes. Now, in a state of abundant overwhelming emotions, I practice my own advice.
“Happiness is an intangible value”
The fleeting aspect of emotions is one I cannot categorize as solely good or bad. While we hope periods of sadness don't last ‘forever,’ I cannot say the same about happiness. But this notion of fleeting emotion is part of what makes happiness, when felt, so special. Happiness is an intangible value. Rather than the focus of happiness being on the physical, external, tangible gratification, it is completely personal. You cannot force happiness, no matter how hard one might try. I believe there is a link between happiness and gratitude - it is worth recognizing the good things in life.
Header: Valerie Letts
