Curating Community: an interview with the lake
In the loud and fast-paced lifestyle of the 21st century, it can be difficult to find a moment for quiet.
Let alone a moment of enjoyment, free of judgment, and just truly for yourself. This is still true in the City of Kingston, which despite its quiet exterior, is bustling with the life of students and the hurry of people flying to and from their 9-5’s. But within this noise, pathways to learning about pleasure exist.
The Lake describes itself as a “wellness shop”, providing a variety of products meant to “satisfy every desire for pleasure”. Their store contains products ranging from puzzles, candles, robes, and sexual wellness products. After developing a strong and unique online presence, the store opened up a physical location on Montreal St. in Downtown Kingston this year. Since doing so, the team behind The Lake has been creating a space for themselves in Limestone City.
Julia Allen (she/they) has a background in marketing and communications, and officially joined The Lake as the Community Manager in September of 2022. While the store is proud to introduce customers to a range of products that could open their minds up to what Julia describes as “the possibilities of pleasure”, they pay equal attention to the nurturing of their space, with hopes of creating a store that is an environment to learn.
The store has associated its brand with the principle of “mindful pleasure”. They hope to create another avenue for people to explore pleasure “We don’t pretend to know peoples’ bodies better than they do”. They also don’t presume to be a superior option to explore pleasure, and Julia emphasizes that it’s important, “there are spaces for people to explore kink and other products. Our selection is very curated, and there is a lot of intentionality with the ethos behind the brands we choose—we focus on a customer-centred focus to pleasure.” Regardless, pleasure is at the core of this brand, despite its limited presence in greater society .“Living in a capitalist society, there is a pressure to always be producing and be on the move. We live in a culture that doesn’t value rest and leisure”, Julia says, noting that this concept has been championed by Black Queer women for years, and that they hope to continue to share the idea with those who want a more personalized experience of learning rather than solely researching the option of mindful pleasure through the internet.
Photos by: Riley McKenna
Having grown up in Kingston, Julia is pleasantly surprised to see the unique and vibrant events that take place; “There are some rad things going on in Kingston”. As a result, the seemingly shifting mindset of the Kingston community has resulted in a warm welcome for The Lake, from fellow small businesses located on Princess St. to the new customers who happen upon the store on their daily walks. “There are different prongs of people that visit the store”, Julia explains, “people who have heard of us, but also people who happen upon us. I’m always surprised with how generous people are with their vulnerability when they are walking into a store that is a new-ish concept”. The range of people that visit their store shows just how fluid the relationship between the store and its customers is. Recognizing that pleasure might be new territory for some, The Lake embraces this malleability; “the shop is what people decide it is. The intention has always been to be more than a retail store”.
A week before Julia sat to chat with MUSE, the store had its first in-person event. Education was always at the core of their brand, and the team was excited to expand to an in-person experience and foster engaging conversations at their store. In transferring their brand from a digital platform to a physical space, it was exciting for customers to be able to learn about sexual wellness through conversation. Julia details that “relationships to pleasure change throughout our lifetime, it’s always ebbing and flowing—we want to encourage people to approach pleasure through daily rituals because we deserve to feel good.”The event featured tiered prices, with tickets turning into gift vouchers to be used at the store, as the team wanted to recognize that everyone has different access needs. To help share this perspective and answer peoples’ budding questions on how they can incorporate pleasure into their daily lives, the event was cleverly titled “The Principles Of Pleasure” and sought to discuss just that. “We had truly no idea what to expect…we just came out the gate swinging”, Julia explains, as she was the moderator of the conversation-style evening. The event was also joined by Julia’s partner, who is an RN specializing in mental health and addiction, and a community educator from the SHRC. The discussions covered topics from mindfulness and consent to self and partner pleasure. Upon reflecting on the night, Julia feels that “people were surprised by the tone of the event…There was a feeling of reciprocity”. The goal was for people to walk away with tools for self-reflection, and they began the workshop with the important disclaimer that the moderator and speakers were not experts, and the guests had just as much capacity to teach them as they had to teach the guests. The event opened the gateways to future learning, as many guests stayed after the event had ended to continue having conversations.
“The shop is what people decide it is. The intention has always been to be more than a retail store”
In organizing events like these, The Lake prioritizes making its space comfortable for people from various walks of life. This echoes the sentiment that went into creating the visual look of the store, which Julia credits owner and founder Bren with. But Julia is careful with their use of the phrase “safe space”, or more specifically, using it to define themselves. ”The concept of a safe space has become mainstream in the last few years…we have to be careful when it comes to its use. The intention with creating ‘safer spaces’ is less about being perfect and more about acknowledging your limitations”. She goes on to explain the importance of a store allowing the guests to decide what is, and isn’t, a safe space—rather than a brand claiming themselves one as a badge of honour and superiority. “It should be a work in progress. Let’s have a conversation about what ways we can collaborate to make a space more acceptable. Let’s listen rather than dictate”. Julia affirms that The Lake is always receptive to feedback, eagerly listening to what guests to their event had to say and what they could contribute to the conversation, and is sensitive to the language that they use. Most importantly, they are delicate when speaking about pleasure, and ensure to hold space for experiences that people might come up with at the moment. This thoughtfulness is proof of the sincerity and self-awareness the team at The Lake embodies.
Photos by: Olivia Smith
In allowing their reputation to be the result of a dialogue, rather than self-proclamation, The Lake is in the business of curating community; they are active and equal participants in the building of their legacy alongside their customers, who as a group are working towards tackling the taboo. Throughout her conservation with MUSE, Julia echoes the desire of the store to build a relationship that is a two-way street, proclaiming that the store hopes their customers feel open to providing feedback so that the space can grow and evolve alongside their visitors.
“The Lake is in the business of curating community; they are active and equal participants in the building of their legacy alongside their customers, who as a group are working towards tackling the taboo.”
When asked about her hopes for the legacy of The Lake in Kingston, Julia’s goals are once again rooted in the relationship between the store and the customer; ”I want people to leave the shop and our events feeling inquisitive. Maybe a little lighter. I want people to leave The Lake with conversation starters for themselves, their friends, and their partners”. From their corner of Montreal St., they hope to make even a ripple in the conservation of destigmatizing pleasure; “there is power in sharing our stories. The more we talk about pleasure, the more we normalize it”.
And most importantly, Julia hopes people will leave the store with excitement.
The “gray area” of pleasure, which is flexible and personable, is where their store exists, and the way The Lake has manifested in an outlet for various forms of pleasure for a diverse range of people. It is the space for inquisitiveness and curiosity. “The gray area is the exciting stuff of life”, and within this gray zone, full of interpretation and encouragement, The Lake is carving out a haven of community learning in Kingston.
Photo by: Olivia Smith
To learn more about The Lake, visit their website—or pay them a visit in-person at 39 bis Montreal St.
Header and Photos by: Olivia Smith
Photos by: Riley McKenna @photosby.riley
