I’m Falling Out of Love With Reading

Illustration by Meghan Zhang.

I desperately want to reignite my love for reading, but I haven’t found my match yet. I thought I found that spark over the summer with Haruki Murakami’s The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. It was among a plethora of books I wanted to meet, but it was the only one I got around to visiting. After reading a few chapters, I set it down next to me. This was when my heart broke. It dawned on me that I have not read for fun in ages.

While I am in love with my literature program, I am falling out of love with reading. I’m meeting the greatest texts that have ever graced the English language. So, most books I pick off the shelves now bore me. When I encounter cheap metaphors, I greet them with a blank face. As characters exchange dull conversation, I can’t help but yawn. After the protagonist solves their pointless problems, I expose their shallowness with eye rolls. I find no joy in reacquainting myself with old loves either. I can’t seem to reread John Green.

Until I spoke to my peers, I worried I was alone with these feelings. Frankly, I’m ashamed I no longer read as a hobby. So, just before my Romantic literature class, I struck up a conversation at my table. I asked them, “What was the last book you read for fun? Did you find yourself enjoying it, or was something off?”

Madison hoped to read Wuthering Heights, but stopped herself after a few chapters. Until she has more time to appreciate Brönte’s magnum opus, Heathcliff will have to wait. In regard to lighter reads, she gave up on romances. It’s not fun when you know where the story will go before you even open the book. She jokes, “You can’t escape this sea of trope, direction, and marketing, which makes it another reiteration regurgitation that you can’t unread.” Altogether, reading for fun merely became an added stress among her countless course readings. For Madison, the “something off” is her brain’s need to analyze. She admits, “I am not able to shut off this mechanism, especially when I’m in the midst of an academic semester.” 

Ethan confessed the last time he read for fun was years ago while working at his local library. A Series of Unfortunate Events was an easy world to get lost in as he vividly visualized everything on the pages. Unfortunately, his books now sit on shelves unread because of his school work. He explains, “I got Wicked for my birthday, but I know that if I sit down to read this book now I’m barely going to get anywhere.” While he has fun reading his assigned texts, he worries about what content will be quizzed. This stress hinders him from immersion, the element that made him fall in love with reading. 

For me, the ‘something off’ is ineffable. Although words cannot describe how I feel, I know in my heart there’s something missing when I read. If passion was powerful enough, this problem would be solved in a heartbeat. 

Over the winter break, I am challenging myself to read one book that has nothing to do with my classes. I’ve been trying to read Gideon the Ninth for years, so maybe I’ll finish it this time around. I will catch that spark again, no matter how many books it takes me.